My best friend and I have been friends for over 10 years. Over the years, I have always made a statement that if I ever win the lottery, I will share it with him and he’ll say the same. We’ve had an amazing friendship and have navigated through tough times together since our early teen years.

Recently though, I actually did win some thousands of dollars by playing the lottery. I told my friend about it and we were both very excited. But then, he said I should remember that we are sharing the money. The problem is, the lottery win is not so huge and the money is looking too good to be shared…Haha. I told him my previous statements were just jokes and that I have a lot of things to do with the money. So, I am unwilling to share… This issue has fractured our friendship but I don’t know why it should though? Can’t we still be friends regardless?

-Anonymous

SHIIITHAPPENS GUYS!

I have been dating a guy for 5 months. Two days ago, I decided to introduce him to my elder sister. Interestingly, they already knew each other from my sister’s workplace. What made the matter worse was that my sister is a stripper. My goodness, I don’t know what to think… Maybe something already happened between them? I didn’t even know he used to go to strip clubs…Should I end the relationship or not? Confused…Help!

SHIIITHAPPENS GUYS!!!

My mum is a single mother and I am her only child. As a 19 year old lady, I now understand much better the struggles my mum went through raising me all by herself…

Recently though, she started drinking heavily. I have tried to talk to her about limiting her alcohol consumption to a reasonable level like before but no way, she won’t listen. I know times are tough and being in university, I demand a lot from her at times, but I don’t want her to hurt herself even more…

Apart from all these issues, what really got me depressed was a statement she made last week. She was very drunk that evening and she told me to apologize for being born!! My goodness, I know she was drunk but that really hurt me. I am so depressed now. I need help and my mum definitely needs help too. I really don’t know what’s going on with her private life but something has got to change…

– Bukky

SHIIITHAPPENS GUYS!!!

After dating my boyfriend for about six years, we recently started having issues – ranging from very ridiculously minor to some “reasonable” ones. We fight much more often than before… but then, that’s normal in a relationship, right?

All of a sudden, he texted me yesterday that I have a “perfect and amazing personality” but that “my looks are not what he envisioned spending the rest of his life with”… In other words, is he saying I’m ugly??? After six years of dating?

Guys, I hope it’s not what I’m thinking and besides, I hope he’s not about to dump me. We are yet to meet up to thrash out this issue… Any advice on how to sort this out, will be appreciated. Thanks everyone!

– Anonymous

SHIIITHAPPENS GUYS!!!

I was a virgin when I met Tolu. When we started our relationship, we decided to wait till our wedding night for our first sexual encounter. I was surprised that Tolu agreed and he has been a great guy.

However, tragedy struck one day when I followed a girlfriend to the club. I was unfortunately raped in the club’s toilet. Since that day, I have been so devastated. Don’t know what to do…

How can I tell Tolu? Our wedding date is approaching and plans are already been made. Should I just keep quiet about this? What if he now discovers that I am not a virgin on our wedding night. OMG guys, please help!! I need advice. What should I do?

– PJ

SHIIITHAPPENS GUYS!!!

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years. Few days ago, I saw that he joined a group on Facebook called “Guys who are proud of their girlfriends” I smiled and was about to like it when I noticed a comment below from a girl saying “Aww, thanks babe 🙂 xxx” What? Have I been dating a cheater for the past 2 years?? Kinda confused!!!

– Kay

SHIIIT HAPPENS GUYS!

I am a 20 year old lady and I have always encouraged my 48 year old single mum to get into a relationship. I love my mum and want her to be happy…

Well guess what guys… I just discovered that my mum is dating my 25 year old ex-boyfriend!!! I am shocked and irritated at the same time. I have talked with my mum about this situation but she won’t bulge…

How can I handle this matter? Any advice will be helpful.

– Worried girl

SHIIIT HAPPENS GUYS!

I have always been feminine in nature since I was young. I often dressed in my sister’s clothes and play with her make-up kit. In 2009, when I was 18 years of age, I decided to change my gender. I had a life-changing surgery. Now, I’m pretty much a lady. The only problem is that I can’t have kids.

I met Donald a few years ago and we fell in love. He later proposed and we got married. We’ve been married for about 5 years now and of course, we have no kids. Donald has tried all possible means, both medically and spiritually to solve our issue…

Our marriage has become very unhappy and I feel very guilty. But… I can’t possibly let him know… Should I reveal the truth? What will he do? I am at a crossroad now…

SHIIIT HAPPENS GUYS!

Deborah: Oh my, this is disgusting… (while putting her fingers in her throat).

Deborah was a 20-year-old law student, and was a bit on the heavy side.

Deborah: I shouldn’t have eaten that fudge cake.

Esther (Deb’s mum): Deb!!!!! Hurry up hun, you are going to be late for school.

Deborah: Coming!!!!

Esther: Honey, I have told you several times that we are not in Nigeria. Look at you, chubby chicks have trouble getting married these days.

Deborah: Mum, I am really trying.

Esther: Don’t try, just do it!!! Remember that after you are done with school, you will be 25, and you must be married by then.

Deborah: It’s like you have my life all figured out. I didn’t want to become a lawyer in the first place and I don’t want to get married either.

Esther: Look young lady, your father and I gave you a life that most people would kill for.  Daddy is no longer alive, so the least you can do is to follow the tradition when it comes to your profession, and then marry Mr Akambi’s son.

Deborah: Whatever.

5 years went by and Deborah’s weight issues became more severe. After graduation, she got married to Alfred Akambi, and they both decided to settle in Washington.

Alfred: Deb, I want to talk to you.

Deborah: I am listening.

Alfred: You know we have been married for a year now and you haven’t gotten pregnant.

Deborah: So?

Alfred: Well, maybe you and your mum lied… Maybe you were not a virgin when we got married… You probably had several abortions and now you can’t conceive… Besides, you are also becoming skinny.

Deborah: Oh, so it’s my fault now that your dick gets soft after 3 minutes of intercourse. Look Alfred, let me tell you something, I was a virgin when we got married. Trust me, it was not my choice. I was forced to remain a virgin for you. So, if I am not pregnant, it is not because I had an abortion before, it is because you can’t perform. Alfred, I am only 26 years old. I am not in a rush to become a mother. I have a career that will keep me busy for some time. So, if you want to have kids, go get them outside.

Alfred: You are nothing but bones and skin. Your career is becoming your only priority.

Deborah: You got served darling.

Alfred: Meaning?

Deborah: That’s how you requested your wife, remember?

Alfred: I told your mum that I was worried about you. You were not that big, but if you were to get pregnant, your weight would have increased a lot. I told your mum that maybe you needed to loose some weight before getting married.

Deborah: Well darling, I guess mama took it to the next level.

Alfred: We have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow.

Deborah: I have an audience tomorrow.

Alfred: Your family comes first.

Deborah: Correction, I come first. My family has always come first and that’s why I am married to you. I haven’t had a say or a choice for the past 26 years. Now I do, screw the gynecologist.

Alfred: You are a very disobedient wife. Look at your age mates, they obey their husbands at all times. You are always feeling too pompous, even to get you to cook is a problem.

Deborah: This is what happens when you get married by force. Alfred, I got married to you because you are a doctor. And as you know, in my family, girls become lawyers and they marry doctors. You see the logic now?

Alfred: I know you love me.

Deborah: I did, until I found out that you got your ex-girlfriend pregnant… and instead of facing your responsibility, you asked your friend to perform an abortion on the girl. In addition, you have cheated on me with nurses and colleagues. So please, let us not talk about love, I am only here because…

Alfred: Because???

Deborah: …I don’t know why Alfred. Anyway, gotta go. Oh by the way, there’s a new Nigerian restaurant on Main Street. You might want to check it out. The maid went on holidays today, and she is coming back next week. That means no food for you. I am traveling to Seattle in 2 days, but I will stay at mum’s today. And… Before I forget, if you are having your whores over, make sure they don’t leave their underwear in the guest room. Last time mum was here, she complained…

SHIIIT HAPPENS GUYS! Please watch out for TABOO – Part 11

After the funeral Yinka followed Shila to a cafe. Yinka was confused and sad, not only was she pregnant, but also, her beloved child was the son of her half brother.

Shila: Yinka, I know how you feel right now.

Yinka: I don’t think so, I feel a hole in my heart. I am angry right now lady. That monster you call father, is the worst thing that could ever happen to a child.
Shila: He’s still our dad Yinka.
Yinka: Look, before we get farther down this road, I need to call my mum. I think she should be able to clarify some things.
(Yinka calling)
Yinka: Mum, I need you to come to the Starbucks on the 27th street.
Mum: Darling, I am not feeling well.
Yinka: Are you high again mother?
Mum: Not at all honey.
Yinka: Mum, why do you keep doing this to yourself? 27 years, and you are still on it. You know what mum? All this drama right here is your fault. Let me fill you in mother… Taiwo and I are brothers.
Mum: What? Honey, that is impossible.
Yinka: Well, that’s the consequence of messing with another man’s husband mum.
Mum: I will not tolerate you taking to me like….
Yinka: Like what mum, like a prostitute???
Mum: Yinka!
Yinka: Yes mum, that’s what you were before this glamorous life. You slept with men for drugs. Do I have to remind you that one of your clients gave me the contacts of the escort agency?
Mum: I have begged you for forgiveness.
Yinka: Mother, I have tried to forgive you, but your past keeps on bouncing on my face. I am pregnant for my brother mum. Why didn’t dad tell you about Taiwo?
Mum: Honey, I think it is time you know something. Joe Jackson is not your father. Your real dad is a white man.
Yinka lost her breath after listening to the news. Her life was never this complicated. She was angry with Joe because he left her mother when she was not able to care for her. And now, everything was collapsing, her whole world was coming to an end.
Yinka: Who is my real dad mum?
Mum: His last name is Daniels.
Yinka: Where does he live mum?
Mum: He is a businessman in Washington. I didn’t hear from him until few weeks ago. He was accused of murdering his wife.
Yinka: What???
Mum: He wanted to see you love. Even though he got the best lawyer in the country, all evidences are against him. He thinks he is getting locked up for good, so he asked after you. And well dear, these days you are not hard to find, so I told him who you were and since then, I haven’t spoken to him.
Yinka: Why didn’t you tell me all this before?
Mum: You have been through a lot honey. I didn’t want to upset you.
Yinka: Good bye mum!
Mum: Yinka.
Yinka: Bye!
Shila: Are you ok?
Yinka: Listen Shila, uh… I don’t think we need to have this conversation again. Apparently, my dad is not your dad. I wouldn’t still mind going for a DNA test just to be sure though.
Shila: I have some friends at the General Hospital. It will only take 3 days to get the results, after taking the samples.
Yinka: How long are you staying in New York?
Shila: A week.
Yinka: Do you mind doing it tomorrow?
Shila: Tomorrow sounds good…

SHIIIT HAPPENS GUYS! Watch out for TABOO – Part 10