In my bedroom, thinking loud, “Should I or should I not do this?” …

I met Dele in my third year at the University of Lagos. Dele – a fine young man of average height, had cute dimples and a lovely smile. He was a final year Mechanical Engineering student at that time. We met casually in a restaurant not too far from campus. I can say ours was love at first sight. As I ordered my food, I saw Dele strolling into the restaurant. Our eyes jammed, I was captivated by his charming smile and longed for him to say hello. Luckily, he did. We started a conversation immediately, introducing ourselves. We hit it off right from then on.

Dele was a caring and generous guy. We hardly ever argued. Our relationship was like a match made in heaven. Since we both lived on campus, we saw each other everyday. We were so fond of each other.

One day, we went to the beach to hang out. While walking on the beach and holding hands, Dele said, “Darling, I want us to make a promise to each other.” I nodded and said, “Ok hun. Sure.” Dele then continued, “I want you to keep a passport size photo of mine with you at all times. I will keep yours too. In case we’re far away from each other, the photos can always comfort us. We won’t miss each other too much. And promise you’ll never throw it away.” Almost in tears, I replied, “Oh Dele, you are so sweet. That’s a wonderful idea. You are so romantic. I’ll never throw your pic away. I hope you’ll keep mine forever too. Love you dear.” “Sure, I will”, Dele said with his affectionate smile. We hugged, kissed and continued walking on the beach.

The following week, we took the passport photos and exchanged it. It was like my lucky charm. I kept it, secured it and looked at it every night before I sleep. He said he also cherished mine so much. By this time, Dele and I were already together for almost a year.

On one fateful day (20th of December, 2011), Dele was traveling to Ife to visit his relatives for Christmas. He was with his younger brother and a cousin. Unfortunately, they had a fatal car accident on the way. Dele died on the spot. His younger brother and cousin sustained life-threatening injuries. When I got the news, I fainted. I was luckily revived by my roommates some hours later. It was like my whole world had crumbled. It was over. How can I possibly find another Dele? It was horrifying. It is a day I can never forget; the day I lost my man.

I couldn’t move on. Days, months and years passed, I still couldn’t get over the death of Dele. Despite friends persuading me to move on, it was so hard. I still looked at his pic every night.

Then one day, a friend invited me over to a house party somewhere on Lagos island. At the party, there was one guy that kept staring at me. I felt uncomfortable. I tried to ignore but it was impossible. Finally, he approached me and asked for a dance. I reluctantly obliged. He introduced himself as Paul. Paul was a tall, handsome guy with an athletic build. After our dance, he stayed with me and we had a long, fulfilling conversation. He was so intelligent. We exchanged numbers that day.

After a couple of dates with Paul, our relationship took off fully. I really liked Paul, but my love for Dele still never died. Nevertheless, I enjoyed spending time with Paul and honestly, he is an amazing guy.

A year gone, our relationship was still blossoming. One thing led to another, then Paul decided to propose. It was a surprise. We were at a restaurant for dinner, when he suddenly knelt down, reached into his pocket, brought out a diamond-studded ring and said, “Babe, I can’t do without you. Will you please marry me?” It was shocking but pleasing and exciting all at the same time. And of course, I said, “Yes!”

Then it dawned on me… Wow, I’m finally moving on for real. I’m getting married. Deep within, the loss of Dele still hurt, but now, I was determined to look forward and embrace the glorious future ahead.

One day, Paul came to my place. While he was helping to arrange some of my clothes, he found my “sacred” Dele passport photo. He said angrily, “Who is this?” “Baby, calm down”, I responded gently. I proceeded to explain in detail about everything. After my long story, Paul was furious. He said, “That’s the past. Get rid of that pic. I don’t wanna see it again.” I nodded timidly, “Ok dear.”

I battled in my mind, totally confused. I had already promised Dele that I will never throw his pic away. There’s no way I could possibly break that promise. Dele is still embedded somewhere in my heart… I was heartbroken and cried profusely. I decided to keep the pic.

Two days later, while hanging out with Paul, he asked, “What about that pic? Hope you got rid of it?” There’s something about Paul. I couldn’t possibly lie to him. So, I said hesitantly, “Hmm…oh…the pic is still with me. Sorry hun, it’s a little hard for me to…” Paul cut me off immediately and said, “Look dear, I can’t… pls get rid of it. Ok, if you don’t get rid of it, I’m calling off our engagement.” I cried and cried, but Paul was adamant. He later comforted me, but still insisted on me choosing either the pic or getting married to him.

The problem now is, I want both. I really do! This is getting too much for me emotionally. I had made a promise to Dele, but I also love Paul now and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Besides, our family members and friends already know about our engagement and wedding plans have since started. What to do???

– V

SHIIIT HAPPENS GUYS!