I always knew I would be invited to my company’s Christmas party. I knew it since November. I just didn’t know when and how it will happen. Fate had it that I was invited some days before the event and being the busy bee that I am, I barely had time to think about my wardrobe.
I had a red-orange dress I wanted to wear for the occasion, but I also knew that my recent weight gain would not really make me look nice without an extra helping hand. So, I decided I would buy some shapewear. I had never worn shapewear before. Yet, I remembered someone had once told me that a certain brand did miracles for people of all shapes. So I decided to go for that brand.
After carefully looking on line for what could best work for me, I decided to go shopping some hours prior to the event at a relatively near department store. I thought everything would work out fine. I also thought it would be an in-and-out purchase and that my life would be easy afterwards. I candidly forgot the “Mother T effect”, which meant that there would always be something to test my patience.
I got to the store and after asking where the shapewear was for the fifth time, I had to navigate among racks of mixed brands in order to find the piece I had identified online. I must mention that contrary to average females, I loathe shopping. Shopping makes me anxious when I do not know exactly what I am looking for. In addition, crowds at department stores drive me crazy. Shopping is not on my skill set, so I needed to get what I wanted and go back to work. It turned out that after some looking, there was only one item of my size and it had deodorant marks. At this point, I was desperate, so I tried it on all sweaty due to the long walk to the store and the fact that my winter jacket was hot. Surprisingly, it did not quite give me the Oscar award-winning shape I was looking for. Moreover, it made some of my yumminess protrude below the bra-line on the back. I will not even start to talk about the multiple physical defects I avoided watching on the mirror.
I had decided to look decent, so I would not just purchase some random crap that did not look ok. So, I went again to the shapewear area to find something more suitable. Again, only found a single item of the product I needed. I tried it on and it fit better. After going through more hassle in search of an item to cover my bare arms (I ended up getting a small faux fur shawl), I was ready to pay and leave. The item I wanted to purchase did not have a price tag and the woman at the cashier had to go look for a similar item, which took some good 10 minutes. I was finally on my way back to the office after two solid hours of nonsensical shopping.
Later on in the evening, when it was time to get dressed to attend the party, I rushed to the washroom to do so. I put the shapewear on and the dress, and now I needed some props. I realized I had forgotten to pack the golden earrings I wanted to wear and I found myself wearing silver earrings with a golden-coordinated outfit. I couldn’t do much for my hair and some colleagues were waiting for me already, so I put my faux-fur shawl on and left. Not only was the shawl cumbersome, but it also didn’t look great. Since I had forgotten to remove the tag, I decided I would return it the following day. At some point that evening, I took it off while I was serving food to a friend. Could you believe that I spilled some gravy on the damn thing? Frantically, I wiped the shawl to avoid staining it.
I had a reasonable amount of fun for a corporate event and left way before the party was over. The shawl seemed ok. I was able to return it the following day without much ado (considering that I got a new employee at the cashier who took forever to complete the transaction).
After this experience, I was ready to round up with the end-of-year corporate events. Sometimes I wonder why I am not a normal woman. Why don’t I know all the girly tricks and perform socially as expected? Why do little things have to get complicated? I guess I just need to get better at planning.
Shiiit Happens!!! 