Deborah: Oh my, this is disgusting… (while putting her fingers in her throat).
Deborah was a 20-year-old law student, and was a bit on the heavy side.
Deborah: I shouldn’t have eaten that fudge cake.
Esther (Deb’s mum): Deb!!!!! Hurry up hun, you are going to be late for school.
Deborah: Coming!!!!
Esther: Honey, I have told you several times that we are not in Nigeria. Look at you, chubby chicks have trouble getting married these days.
Deborah: Mum, I am really trying.
Esther: Don’t try, just do it!!! Remember that after you are done with school, you will be 25, and you must be married by then.
Deborah: It’s like you have my life all figured out. I didn’t want to become a lawyer in the first place and I don’t want to get married either.
Esther: Look young lady, your father and I gave you a life that most people would kill for. Daddy is no longer alive, so the least you can do is to follow the tradition when it comes to your profession, and then marry Mr Akambi’s son.
Deborah: Whatever.
5 years went by and Deborah’s weight issues became more severe. After graduation, she got married to Alfred Akambi, and they both decided to settle in Washington.
Alfred: Deb, I want to talk to you.
Deborah: I am listening.
Alfred: You know we have been married for a year now and you haven’t gotten pregnant.
Deborah: So?
Alfred: Well, maybe you and your mum lied… Maybe you were not a virgin when we got married… You probably had several abortions and now you can’t conceive… Besides, you are also becoming skinny.
Deborah: Oh, so it’s my fault now that your dick gets soft after 3 minutes of intercourse. Look Alfred, let me tell you something, I was a virgin when we got married. Trust me, it was not my choice. I was forced to remain a virgin for you. So, if I am not pregnant, it is not because I had an abortion before, it is because you can’t perform. Alfred, I am only 26 years old. I am not in a rush to become a mother. I have a career that will keep me busy for some time. So, if you want to have kids, go get them outside.
Alfred: You are nothing but bones and skin. Your career is becoming your only priority.
Deborah: You got served darling.
Alfred: Meaning?
Deborah: That’s how you requested your wife, remember?
Alfred: I told your mum that I was worried about you. You were not that big, but if you were to get pregnant, your weight would have increased a lot. I told your mum that maybe you needed to loose some weight before getting married.
Deborah: Well darling, I guess mama took it to the next level.
Alfred: We have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow.
Deborah: I have an audience tomorrow.
Alfred: Your family comes first.
Deborah: Correction, I come first. My family has always come first and that’s why I am married to you. I haven’t had a say or a choice for the past 26 years. Now I do, screw the gynecologist.
Alfred: You are a very disobedient wife. Look at your age mates, they obey their husbands at all times. You are always feeling too pompous, even to get you to cook is a problem.
Deborah: This is what happens when you get married by force. Alfred, I got married to you because you are a doctor. And as you know, in my family, girls become lawyers and they marry doctors. You see the logic now?
Alfred: I know you love me.
Deborah: I did, until I found out that you got your ex-girlfriend pregnant… and instead of facing your responsibility, you asked your friend to perform an abortion on the girl. In addition, you have cheated on me with nurses and colleagues. So please, let us not talk about love, I am only here because…
Alfred: Because???
Deborah: …I don’t know why Alfred. Anyway, gotta go. Oh by the way, there’s a new Nigerian restaurant on Main Street. You might want to check it out. The maid went on holidays today, and she is coming back next week. That means no food for you. I am traveling to Seattle in 2 days, but I will stay at mum’s today. And… Before I forget, if you are having your whores over, make sure they don’t leave their underwear in the guest room. Last time mum was here, she complained…
Shiiit Happens!!! 