In my bedroom, thinking loud, “Should I or should I not do this?” …

I met Dele in my third year at the University of Lagos. Dele – a fine young man of average height, had cute dimples and a lovely smile. He was a final year Mechanical Engineering student at that time. We met casually in a restaurant not too far from campus. I can say ours was love at first sight. As I ordered my food, I saw Dele strolling into the restaurant. Our eyes jammed, I was captivated by his charming smile and longed for him to say hello. Luckily, he did. We started a conversation immediately, introducing ourselves. We hit it off right from then on.

Dele was a caring and generous guy. We hardly ever argued. Our relationship was like a match made in heaven. Since we both lived on campus, we saw each other everyday. We were so fond of each other.

One day, we went to the beach to hang out. While walking on the beach and holding hands, Dele said, “Darling, I want us to make a promise to each other.” I nodded and said, “Ok hun. Sure.” Dele then continued, “I want you to keep a passport size photo of mine with you at all times. I will keep yours too. In case we’re far away from each other, the photos can always comfort us. We won’t miss each other too much. And promise you’ll never throw it away.” Almost in tears, I replied, “Oh Dele, you are so sweet. That’s a wonderful idea. You are so romantic. I’ll never throw your pic away. I hope you’ll keep mine forever too. Love you dear.” “Sure, I will”, Dele said with his affectionate smile. We hugged, kissed and continued walking on the beach.

The following week, we took the passport photos and exchanged it. It was like my lucky charm. I kept it, secured it and looked at it every night before I sleep. He said he also cherished mine so much. By this time, Dele and I were already together for almost a year.

On one fateful day (20th of December, 2011), Dele was traveling to Ife to visit his relatives for Christmas. He was with his younger brother and a cousin. Unfortunately, they had a fatal car accident on the way. Dele died on the spot. His younger brother and cousin sustained life-threatening injuries. When I got the news, I fainted. I was luckily revived by my roommates some hours later. It was like my whole world had crumbled. It was over. How can I possibly find another Dele? It was horrifying. It is a day I can never forget; the day I lost my man.

I couldn’t move on. Days, months and years passed, I still couldn’t get over the death of Dele. Despite friends persuading me to move on, it was so hard. I still looked at his pic every night.

Then one day, a friend invited me over to a house party somewhere on Lagos island. At the party, there was one guy that kept staring at me. I felt uncomfortable. I tried to ignore but it was impossible. Finally, he approached me and asked for a dance. I reluctantly obliged. He introduced himself as Paul. Paul was a tall, handsome guy with an athletic build. After our dance, he stayed with me and we had a long, fulfilling conversation. He was so intelligent. We exchanged numbers that day.

After a couple of dates with Paul, our relationship took off fully. I really liked Paul, but my love for Dele still never died. Nevertheless, I enjoyed spending time with Paul and honestly, he is an amazing guy.

A year gone, our relationship was still blossoming. One thing led to another, then Paul decided to propose. It was a surprise. We were at a restaurant for dinner, when he suddenly knelt down, reached into his pocket, brought out a diamond-studded ring and said, “Babe, I can’t do without you. Will you please marry me?” It was shocking but pleasing and exciting all at the same time. And of course, I said, “Yes!”

Then it dawned on me… Wow, I’m finally moving on for real. I’m getting married. Deep within, the loss of Dele still hurt, but now, I was determined to look forward and embrace the glorious future ahead.

One day, Paul came to my place. While he was helping to arrange some of my clothes, he found my “sacred” Dele passport photo. He said angrily, “Who is this?” “Baby, calm down”, I responded gently. I proceeded to explain in detail about everything. After my long story, Paul was furious. He said, “That’s the past. Get rid of that pic. I don’t wanna see it again.” I nodded timidly, “Ok dear.”

I battled in my mind, totally confused. I had already promised Dele that I will never throw his pic away. There’s no way I could possibly break that promise. Dele is still embedded somewhere in my heart… I was heartbroken and cried profusely. I decided to keep the pic.

Two days later, while hanging out with Paul, he asked, “What about that pic? Hope you got rid of it?” There’s something about Paul. I couldn’t possibly lie to him. So, I said hesitantly, “Hmm…oh…the pic is still with me. Sorry hun, it’s a little hard for me to…” Paul cut me off immediately and said, “Look dear, I can’t… pls get rid of it. Ok, if you don’t get rid of it, I’m calling off our engagement.” I cried and cried, but Paul was adamant. He later comforted me, but still insisted on me choosing either the pic or getting married to him.

The problem now is, I want both. I really do! This is getting too much for me emotionally. I had made a promise to Dele, but I also love Paul now and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Besides, our family members and friends already know about our engagement and wedding plans have since started. What to do???

– V

SHIIIT HAPPENS GUYS!

Last Sunday, I was busy watching one of my favorite shows on tv. Then, my mum came over and asked, “Shouldn’t you be cleaning your room?” Without thinking, I quickly responded, “Shouldn’t you be in the kitchen?” … I’ve never been hit so hard in my life. I got whooped big time. Didn’t know she was still that strong…smh!

SHIIIT HAPPENS GUYS!

I recently went to a secluded mountain where my boyfriend and I had our first date, just to reminisce. Shortly after getting there, I noticed a couple making love in the bush near the mountain. I then decided to call my boyfriend to tell him that some people have found our “secret spot”. As I called, I heard his Michael Jackson ringtone from the bush. Could not believe it… is that how he takes different ladies to this mountain?

I have not picked up his calls since then. We are done! It hurts so bad though…

– Nia

SHIIIT HAPPENS GUYS!

Last night, I was feeling somehow uncomfortable with my looks. I was tired and had a long day. So, I told my mum that I felt ugly and wished I could be as beautiful as her. Guess what? She said, “I know I’m pretty. I wonder what happened to you?”, and left.

Really mum? I hope she was just joking. I was too tired to reply her though. Just went to bed.

– B

SHIIIT HAPPENS GUYS! 

Two weeks ago, I went to visit my boyfriend’s parents for the first time. Immediately his mother saw me, she smiled, gave me a hug, and said: “I’m happy to finally meet you. All I always hear is ‘Flora this’, and ‘Flora that’, ‘I love Flora’…He never stops talking about you.”

Folks, the problem is – my name is not Flora!!! I am Lisa. I felt like disappearing but I somehow played along. After that day, I spoke to him about it but he said, “Mum must have made a mistake. She forgets things easily.”

Really? I don’t believe him… Don’t know what next. I hope he doesn’t have someone else?

SHIIIT HAPPENS GUYS! 

Walking down the road on a rainy day, I am in a complete dilemma. I don’t know what to do with myself.

I had just celebrated my 19th birthday, by just taking pictures of myself and posting them on Facebook and Instagram. I woke up the next day, tired and restless when I got a call from Niniola, telling me she is on her way to my place. Niniola is a childhood friend. She is tall, slim and always cheerful. When I was 5 years old, I lost my father and I was taken to Ibadan, to live with my grandma. That was when I met Niniola. She stayed with her parents in the same building as my grandma. We were neighbors.

When she arrived at my place, I was still in my pajamas. She came into my room.

Niniola:  Where is Mama?  How did you celebrate your birthday yesterday? And did your mum call you?

Me: Yes, she called and even sent money to me.

Niniola: Nice. Where is my share of the money?

Me: (laughs)… the money walked away in the supermarket o.

Niniola: Hmm…I just remembered. I have a friend that has been bugging me about you for some days now. He saw your pictures on my Instagram.

Me: (cutting her off) … I hope you didn’t give him my Instagram name or info?

Niniola: (laughs)… Ah! Beatrice! You are so predictable. I didn’t give him your info. I told him I must ask you first.

Me: Okay, let me see his picture first.

(she brings out her phone and showed me his picture)

Me: He is cute! Nice. And he has pink lips too. He is hot with six packs. Okay! I am very interested. Give him my user name and info. Don’t make it look like I am interested though. What is his name?

Niniola: (laughs) … you will pay me processing fee o… (she said jokingly). His name is Ehis.

Later that day, we had lunch together and after lunch, Niniola left.  After she left, I had to study for my exams. As I started studying, I found myself daydreaming about Ehis.  It was preposterous for me to be thinking about a man I barely knew, but I kept checking my Instagram to see if he had started following me. Before I went to bed, I checked my phone again, but nothing came up. So, I decided to call Niniola and ask if she gave my information to Ehis already. She responded, “I messaged him on Instagram right after I left your place.  Maybe he hasn’t been online all day. Wait o, I hope you are not falling in love already?” I responded with a laugh and asked her about her parents to change the topic. After a few chats, we said our good nights and hung up.  I was still thinking about him when I slept off.

I woke up late for church. As, I hurried to shower and dress up, my phone beeped, and I checked it. It was Ehis. He followed me on Instagram, and sent a message (Hello beautiful). I was so excited, I decided I would give a little thanksgiving offering to God in church for answering “my Ehis” prayer so fast. I responded and from there, Ehis and I continued to message each other.

Ehis lives in Lagos. After a few days, we got so used to each other that we did video call every night before going to bed. He is such an amazing guy, we would speak for hours and sometimes we would just stay on the phone with nothing to say; just enjoying each other’s company. We could tell each other anything and everything. When we were not video calling, we were texting, chatting. We literally knew what we were both doing at all hours of the day because if any of us had a break, we would text what we just did and what we would be doing next.

I was preparing for my post JAMB exam, and was planning to go to University of Ibadan. My mom lives and works in Lagos. She had tried to convince me to move there, but I disagreed. Since I met Ehis, all that changed. I called my mom and informed her that I will be applying to only the University of Lagos. She was surprised and told me that she would be coming to Ibadan on Friday to discuss more about it. I was so excited and started counting down to the weekend because I have really missed my mom.

On Friday, my mom arrived around at noon. Niniola was on her way to our house to see my mom too. When Niniola arrive, we all had lunch with my mom and grandma. Mom was giving updates about her job and telling jokes about her friends. Suddenly, she dropped the news on all of us that she will be getting married. We were all shocked, I didn’t know my mom was even in a relationship. After the initial shock, she explained that the man is divorced and lives with is son. She informed my grandma that she would like me to live with them in Lagos and she will be coming to get me next weekend. My grandma was not happy about me leaving, she was used to me already but there was nothing she could do. I wasn’t happy about my mom getting married either, but thinking about Lagos and Ehis made me feel better. The thoughts of having to meeting Ehis in person, was so exciting. I told Ehis about it that evening and we were both ecstatic. We both started our countdown to the weekend.

On Friday, I woke up very early. I had all my things packed and ready. Then my mom arrived with her fiancé, Mr. Osas. They brought lots of food stuff and money for my grandma. Mr. Osas was in his late forties, tall, fair in complexion and skinny. He greeted my grandma well and was nice to me. While we were chatting, Niniola arrived. She had been crying and was very emotional about me leaving. We hugged and chatted some more. After some few hours, it was time for us to leave and we all said our emotional goodbyes and promises to keep in touch. I got into the car, and here comes Lagos.

We arrived in Lagos around 9 pm due to traffic. I haven’t been in Lagos since I was 5 years old. My mom and Mr. Osas already lived together. Their house was a brown two-story building. We parked the car, I got my luggage out of the car and followed them into the house. As, we walked into the house, I noticed a baby’s picture on the wall. The house was well furnished and large.

Mr. Osas turned to me and said, “Welcome, feel at home. Where is Vincent? so I can formally introduce you to your brother”. He turned towards the stairs and screamed, “Vincent”. Then he explained, “Vincent comes home every weekend”. My mom was trying to show me around the living room while Mr. Osas followed us around. As we walked around the living room looking at pictures, Vincent’s voice interrupted us as he walked into the room. Mr. Osas, excitingly started to say, “Meet your sister…”. I turned around and I am face to face with a smiling Ehis. The smile suddenly turned to a shock…

SHIIIT HAPPENS GUYS! WATCH OUT FOR IT’S COMPLICATED  – PART 2.

“Ok ladies, gather around me and let us pray”, Yinka said. She prayed, “Father, open the gates of heaven and let my collection impress the members of the press, E! Entertainment TV, Kim K, and most importantly, let the world know that Africa is taking over the fashion landscape. Amen.” Yinka then continued, “Ok ladies, you can now go out there, rock the clothes and kick ass. Oh, and please don’t fall. That only looks good for supermodels, and as far as I can see Kate Moss is not in the house.”

“Akila, I can’t believe I have come this far girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My clothes in a Fashion Week. Can it get any better?”, said Yinka, while gesticulating excitedly. Akila responded, “Yinka, I am so proud of you. After all, you deserve to be here.”

Then Yinka’s mood suddenly changed and she said, “Akila, there’s something I need to tell you. I have been feeling sick for the past few days. At first, I thought it was stress but girl, I think I am pregnant.” Akila looked lost and somehow shocked at the same time. She replied Yinka saying, “Oh my God Yinka, have you told Taiwo?” Yinka answered, “No honey, I haven’t. I want to make sure first. I know this is going to sound weird, but I have a pregnancy test in my purse and I don’t want to do it alone. Can you?… hmm, you know?” “Oh Yinka, of course. Lets go”, Akila said quickly.

They hurriedly went to the restroom. “Akila, I can’t pee on this damn thing. I can’t even see the target. Shit! These pregnancy tests are crap. Ok, I think I got it now. Nice, my hand just got some golden rain on it. Eww”, complained Yinka, in an irritating manner. “So now what? We wait right?”, asked Akila. Yinka replied, “Hmm, yes… Akila, according to what I read in school, no line means I am not pregnant, one line means one baby, and two lines, I will have twins.” Akila answered jokingly, “Yinka, are you sure you went to school dummy? One line means you’re not pregnant and two lines mean you’re pregnant.

After waiting a while, Akila sighed and said, “Ok Yinka, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… Two lines! Yinka, congrats! You are pregnant for a professional basketball player.” Yinka exclaimed, “Oh my God Akila! No, no, no. This can’t be happening right now!”

Suddenly, they heard the voice of the runway coordinator through the speakers, “Yinka Anderson, please come to the runway for the closing.” “Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!! Akila. I’ll be back”, said Yinka quickly.

As Yinka was walking on the runway, she had a feeling of gratitude. First, because she was able to get over her tragic past, and then, because she was able to show the world that her roots hid glam and mystery. Yinka bowed to the public and was happy to see that Kim K and other famous figures like Kimora Simmons, the Olsen twins and the Williams’ sisters were present.

After the show, Yinka quickly spotted Taiwo. “Taiwo baby, what’s up? I appreciate you coming here to show some love to your girl”, said Yinka with a smile. Taiwo replied, “Yinka, your collection was so cool dude.” Yinka surprisingly asked, “Dude? Since when? You usually call me honey, mami or babe.” Yinka continued, “Taiwo, we need to talk… Taiwo, I know sometimes I act like a bitch. And to be honest, I am a bitch, but I also have feelings… and I am sorry that I haven’t been as committed as you wanted me to be. Honey, girls are like bees around you and well, I am not jealous, but I do mind. Taiwo, what I am really saying is that… hmm, we are pregnant.”

“Honey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here you are baby. I have been looking for you all over. I was just having a chat with J Lo. Oh sorry, excuse my manners, Am I interrupting something Yinka?” It was Ashley. Yinka was about to fall on her face. She recognized the long blond hair, the curves and the green eyes. Ashley continued, “Wow Yinka Anderson, nice to see you again.” “You mean you guys knew each other before?”, Taiwo asked blankly. Yinka answered, “Not really Taiwo. I mean, I think we met in a Starbucks and we shared some professional experiences in fashion. Nothing really major.” Turning towards Ashley, Yinka said, “Ashley, it is nice to see you again.” “Well Yinka, I hope to see you again at our wedding”, said Ashley, opening her 2011 Versace bag. She continued, “I wanted to use this opportunity to give you the invitation personally.” While this happened, Taiwo was looking at Yinka with great distress. Throughout his basketball career, he never got anybody pregnant. Besides, he truly cared about Yinka but he knew that she wasn’t ready for any commitment. All the same, Ashley was the wife he always wanted. “Yinka, we have to go. I will give you a call later”, said Taiwo. “Bye Yinka”, Ashley mumbled, giving her a hug, and whispering in her ear, “it was nice sharing my professional experience with you as well. You have a nice cunt.”

Yinka was frozen, not only because she was pregnant for her booty call and love of her life, but she also had sex with his fiancée. Suddenly, everything turned dark. Yinka couldn’t breathe and she lost hold of herself…

Next morning…

“Yinka, wake up.”, said mum. “Mum, what happened?”, asked Yinka. Mum worriedly responded, “You blacked out honey, but you and the baby are ok.” Yinka sadly answered, “Mum, I am so sorry. I didn’t want this to happen.” Mum comforted her and said, “It is ok angel. I understand. Taiwo is here. Are you ready to talk to him?” Yinka sighed and replied, “Ok mum, let him come in.” …

SHIIIT HAPPENS GUYS! WATCH OUT FOR TABOO – PART 3

I am still in shock! I was in my room and classes were done for the day. I was about to take a nap but I couldn’t, because I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room having nasty sex. It literally sounded like a passionate fight. The girl was loud and annoying.

So, I decided to call my girlfriend to see if we can go out to eat for dinner. I heard her phone ring…through the wall!

I just weak right now o…

SHIIIT HAPPENS GUYS!

I live on the university campus. My father is very uptight, so it took months for my mom and I to convince him to let me live there. He is always complaining about “the youths of these days”. So, I hope you guys can picture the kind of father I have. He usually stops by my room unannounced to check on me.

Well, my dad stopped by my place on campus one day. He knocked and as I opened the door (still in my boxers), one of my guy friends jokingly came to give me a kiss on the cheek and said, “Thanks for last night”. He was shirtless and in boxers. My father stormed away before I could say anything. I have called so many times, he is not picking up. I called my mom to explain, she hung up on me after explaining, saying, “Wale, you are not my child”. My father told her that he is going to report me to the police himself and I have been disowned.

My friends think this is hilarious….

SHIIIT HAPPENS GUYS!

My birthday was on Tuesday. I was so excited and dressed classy to work that morning. Normally, the small company I work at throws a big party for every employee on their special day. So, I was expectant.

As the day went on, nothing was done for me, not even a “Happy Birthday” came my way. I didn’t want to be rude, so I stayed silent.

Later on that day, about an hour before closing, I got news that they didn’t do anything because I was getting laid off. I felt like entering the ground. I cried all the way home.

Trying to get myself back together now… I hope I never have such a birthday again!

– Kay

SHIIIT HAPPENS GUYS!